I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
