You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
