Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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