I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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