if you like me you must not know who I am
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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