How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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