He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
two words...techno handjob
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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