I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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