He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
