Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
