umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize