Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
