I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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