the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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