thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
