Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
