hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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