I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
