I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
