she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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