i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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