Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
