They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
