Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
