Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
