Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
