My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
