OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a beard to bite.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
