how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
