I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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