I wish I only lived at night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
