Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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