remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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