My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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