i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize