I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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