How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
