Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
false alarm, still single
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