In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
