the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize