I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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