Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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