I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My hand turned me down
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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