were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Vodka?
Forever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
