Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
