The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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