I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize