i permit you to call me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She's the barista slut.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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