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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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