so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize