Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
