Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Welp...herpes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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