walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
