Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
