Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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