3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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