If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
