I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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