69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
