today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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