Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
