I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
