Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
