god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
