I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
