Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
