I wannas sexs uuuuu
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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