ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
