she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
