I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
