I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
