i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
